We all view life through our own windows. As humans we develop and utilise so many frames of perception-whether they are; physical and sensory, emotional and mental, cultural, religious or atheist, each observation and perhaps judgement we make through what ever window or combination, flavours who we are or how we project ourself.
Physically, in my space of my current convalescence, I notice that my actual high rise apartment windows aren’t very clean. I’m not a fastidiously house proud person but I like tidy, ordered and comfortable with a touch of eclectic style. I can see through the glass, can cope with fingerprints, the smears and dusty grey concrete dust that clings to the glass, however, it doesn’t cloud my overall view of what is just. As I survey Sydney from my balcony I see an expansive, vast panorama and I am coming to terms with that my choice of physical view at home mimics who I truly am in life in a social, emotional and psychological sense.
The older I become the more internally incensed I am by the arrogance of entitlement, blind ignorance and what I increasingly witness daily as a pathological lack of respect and empathy for the notions of equality, equity, humanity and compassion by people in power or those who desire to be. We are in an age of pathetic leadership, it’s frightening to observe the shenanigans and life caricatures of the collectively ambitious people observed in the places of power, namely in our representatives or elected leaders.
I ponder whether any of these “leaders” look out their windows and notice the reality of the world they are meant to lead. Leadership is in my view always from behind and within, it is grassroots, from in the ranks and humble. Leading Is about showing empathy and compassion and helping attain goals by first of all by reflecting and considering all points of view. Many will disagree with me but it is integrity that comes to mind as I lay here recovering from injury. I have had days to think and ruminate and integrity colours every decision I have made in my life. As a seven year old I stood and resolutely faced my father, who was physically and psychologically abusive. I stood firm with the words, “don’t hurt my my mum” as his violent hand stopped short of slapping me sideways. That moment in time is deeply rooted in my psyche and memory, it was the seed of my need for justice and it was just one of many moments when I would witness the pathetic side of maleness, that was my father.
Ego, misguided personal ambitions that beget power and the manipulative twisted casting or shrugging of blame are factors that irk me. Experiences of dealing personally with many life changing and challenging moments has permitted me a first hand authority or “shoe walk” on a host of a-z experiences of human life. This female, or warrior woman has a few battle scars, a vault full of stories, and all are Netflix worthy. However, compared to so many females in our world I am blessed, fortunate and free.
I used to be politically and career motivated, desperately wanting to be a change maker. Now I just want to share my skills in who I am as a teacher, who I am as a human and who I am in my soul. I have always valued my humanity, or what I can give, far more than what I know or my resume attests. Humility is a gift and i try hard to have it shine in my actions as teacher, parent and human. I hope my greatest skill as a teacher is manifested in the passing on of windows of compassion.
I’ve evolved into a middle aged woman, who is not afraid to say she is feminist and I am more than fed up with the rampant white male sexism and ageism of our current society.
This week has given me time to be reflective. It has been a week where I experienced claustrophobia for half an hour whilst inside the MRI machine, but eyes closed deep breathing and mantras calmed the physical reactions. If you know me well, you well know I also have a fear of heights. Never will I jump out of a plane, bungee jump or abseil. So I understand that fear is something that debilitates. Being able to look through the windows of our lives, noticing, feeling and envisioning everything we experience is a lifelong exercise. I appreciate that everyone’s windows and views are different and you can only see what you visibly can. It is the the walking in another’s shoes, the focus of our eyes, the using of all senses and emotions that helps develops wisdom. The intangible will always be foreign if you only keep your view blinkered and narrow.
Day by day this year, my move and my chaotic and transformational life experiences have made me realise that my primary role in my job and daily life is to empower others to be the best version of themselves they can be. All this rambling is simply me asking everyone to stand in their own integrity and practice some compassion in your dealings with humanity.